WHY I SUFFERED
Blood and sweat streaming from my shattered face, causing my open wounds to burn and stinging my swollen eyes. Breathing is labored from fluids slowly filling my lungs as a result from the continual beatings. I agonizingly try to lift my body so that my lungs can get air, blinding white streaks of pain surge through out my body then blackness.
The sound of gleeful laughter and curses fills my ears as I slowly regain my consciousness along with the pain from the blows of hard fists to my cut, bleeding face and body. I am brought back to the nightmare reality of my torture.
Alone, I endure the seemingly endless hours of torture, feeling my blood and strength oozing from the open wounds on my body. No one is here to protect me, to fight for me, to comfort me, to rescue me. My innocence, violently taken from me, in the middle of the night by my tormentors who had secretly planned this night to forever leave me scarred.
“Where are you? Why are you silent? No one answers my hearts cry, all I hear are my tormentors laughing at me while they abuse me. Heaven is silent, as if it has retreated from the sight of my tortured and mutilated body.
Finally, after what seemed like days, I am shown the instruments that will end my life, instruments that are cruel and with out mercy, guaranteeing a slow and agonizing death. My tormentors make me carry the instruments of death to the place where they plan to kill me. Where are my friends? Where are the people who loved me? Where are my rescuers? My head pounds and feels like it is about to explode, my body trembling from the effects of the beatings and blood loss collapses many times before I get to the destination of where I am to slowly die.
The fear is gone, my heart is full of joy. Through swollen and bleeding eyes I look around me at my tormenters, they are laughing at me and still they hit me, I don’t feel hatred for them, but pity. I am held down by strong hands and am attached to that cruel instrument of death by long dull metal spikes. My blood showers those who are holding me as the dull spikes are driven through my flesh and into the wooden instrument, still the laughter. Never have I felt such pain and agony as when those nails were being driven through my hands and feet, blood everywhere. MY BLOOD.
To the cheers of the crowd, I am raised up above the ground and am put on the high point of a hill so that all can see me die a slow and agonizing death. MY NAIL PIERCED AND TORTURED BODY SCREAMS IN AGONY as it is jarred from being dropped in to a hole that supports upright the instrument of death that I am nailed to. Why do they hate me? I have done nothing wrong to them.At the apex of my suffering, agony and soon coming death, with my blood oozing out of my countless wounds, my body screaming, and my lungs filling with my own bodies fluids, I cry out in anguish of soul, “MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON ME?”.
Sudden darkness covers the hill where I am hanging, as if to mock my tormented cry, YOU ARE ALL ALONE, NO ONE CAN HELP YOU NOW, Still nothing, all I hear from heaven is the sound of crying.
The cheers and taunts of my tormentors and the angry crowd of spectators fade as my body slowly goes into shock and I close my eyes to try to remember why I am here and again my heart is filled with joy because I see the face of the one I love looking at me, whose face do I see? YOURS.
There you are as clear as day. At first, you are angry, your face twisted with anger and hatred for me, just like the faces of my tormenters, then, suddenly, you get it and your face radiates with joy and my heart leaps within me because I feel that joy also. The fog in my head clears and I remember now why I have endured all of this torture. So that nothing will separate you from my love. My heart races with anticipation for the time when I get to see your face in person. Satisfied by seeing your face, I declare “IT IS FINISHED”.
“For the joy set before him, he endured the cross.”
Author: Blood God Servant