My tense, ridged body slumps into a grateful state of relaxed ecstasy as all the pain, all the rage, all the frustration, and torment seeps out of my body through the open wounds that I have inflicted on myself.
THERE IS NO GREATER RELEASE.
The pain from my wounds wipe away the fire storm of torment in my head and I am finally numb.
Numb to the unbearable pressures of my life.
Numb to my regrets.
Numb to the hopeless condition of my present.
Numb to the painful past that haunts me like a continuous nightmare.
I feel nothing, my breathing is relaxed. All the static fades away into nothingness.
I hurt myself because no one understands me and I am too ashamed to let anyone in.
Everyone is to busy laughing at me to hear my cries for help and understanding.
So I hide my self inflicted wounds so that no one can see them and if by accident they are revealed I lie and make excuses of why they are there. "I FELL"
Unfortunately the NUMB state lasts only a short while and I am brought back to the painful reality of my life, and so the cycle continues without a permanent end to the torment in my mind and life.
Gradually the escape that I seek through my self inflicted wounds is turned into my prison and the torment of my soul becomes worse.
In desperation I cry out.
GOD, ARE YOU REAL?!! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM? IF YOU ARE REAL THEN WHY DON'T YOU HELP ME OUT OF THIS NIGHTMARE? IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR ME?
Author: Blood God Servant